November 29, 2005
Butterstick Says "Pass That Dutch"
Dude, I'm so baked. Hahaha. Butterspliff is more like it. Hahaha.
Those reporters are totally harshing my high.
Oh, pretty flash!
I wonder if Moms will be able to tell. Shit, where's the Visine? I know I had some. At least I thought I did. Hahaha.
Mmm, I could totally go for some Ben's about now.
November 28, 2005
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee = Las Vegas, Nevada - gambling - alcohol - sex + Jesus
Once I climb out of my tryptophan hole, stories and pictures forthcoming.
November 22, 2005
I am headed to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee in a few hours to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. "What's in Pigeon Forge?," you ask. "Dollywood," I answer.
In keeping with the season, I have a small list of things I want to say:
I am thankful that I have a loving and supportive family.
I am thankful that my friends amaze me on a daily basis with their humor, thoughtfulness, creativity, and love.
I am thankful for my health and my health insurance.
I am thankful for two extremely cute and silly kittens.
I am thankful for nights like Taint, bluestate, and Blowoff, where I can dance my ass off.
I am thankful that my father calls him Butterstick too.
I am thankful that Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff haven't made up.
I am thankful that the drug dealer moved out of our building.
I am thankful for Flickr, Friendster, and Instant Messenger.
I am thankful for new friends I have made this year.
I am thankful for old friends who've stuck with me.
I am thankful that the last time I saw my mother before she died, she was happy.
I am thankful that Glenn and I have been together for 11 years.
I am thankful for the next 11 and the 11 after that.
I am thankful that I am gay.
I am thankful for a job that keeps me interested just enough without taking over my life.
I am thankful that I know poets and artists and musicians and djs and writers and lawyers.
I am thankful for a condo in the coolest neighborhood in DC.
I am thankful we have a new home improvement project moratorium in effect.
I am thankful people think I have interesting things to say every now and then.
I am thankful I have a place to say them.
November 16, 2005
The Metro Weekly Coverboy of the Year contest is on again. I believe this year's Grand Prize is a full set of secondary sex characteristics. Woot!
While speaking of our beloved MW, I have to ask, what is the point of a nightlife column that hasn't been updated in five months? Oh, right, there isn't one.
If you're looking for the latest dirt, might I suggest this site? It's hot.
What was my first thought upon seeing this item in today's Express?
a.) Oh wow, I can't believe they picked me.
b.) Hmm, that's nice, but I think there were funnier comments in that post they could have pulled.
c.) Gee, I hope no one at work sees that.
d.) Tee hee, I topped Andrew Sullivan.
November 15, 2005
In Praise of Flickr
Lately I've begun to appreciate Flickr's ability to unlock my subconscious via my favorite photos. I found it very interesting the patterns I saw in looking over the pictures I favorited. Apparently my friends, hugs and kisses, and bizarre things all bring me great amounts of pleasure.
I find this really let's me understand my friends better too. Ben, for instance, is very interested in celebrities and guys who make him say "woof," while John has no interests whatsoever.
Flickr also really makes me want a cameraphone.
It would be a real shame if my current mobile phone happened to fall out of my pocket one night and smashed into a brazillion pieces on the sidewalk, wouldn't it? I'm just saying.
November 14, 2005
An Open Letter to Ms. Hillary Duff
I read today that you've told the MTV that you're exhausted. Sorry, but that doesn't do much for me.
As anyone who's spent three minutes in a creative writing workshop will tell you, you've broken storytelling's cardinal rule: "Show, don't tell." Interacting with the media is very much a creative endeavor. You have to let the story unfold in a way that keeps your fans interested. Just announcing that you're exhausted is boring. You have to show it.
You could start slow. Pass out on the set one afternoon. Being rushed to the hospital for fluids is a nice touch. Make sure you've told the hair and make-up people how tired you are--they're going to need to be prepped for Pat O'Brien.
Personally, though, I'm a big fan of batshit crazy moments. Who can forget Mariah pushing around an ice cream cart on TRL and getting freaky with Carson Daly? Running through traffic with a loaded gun is probably a little too "street" for your fan base, but that might just be the edge that puts you in competition with Lohan.
There's also the wandering in the desert approach. If we've learned anything from Margot Kidder, it's that you're going to have be willing to lose some teeth in the process. Have you considered having an alternate personality like Celestia? There is much work to do for this exhaustion thing to really take off.
Anyway, I trust you'll do a bang-up job. I look forward to your impending breakdown.
November 10, 2005
I've read that "Promoting Your Friends Is Fun!," so I'm going to give it a whirl.
My friend Jason, who lives in New York with his dashing husband, writes really awesome poems. He's honoring our alma mater with a visit on November 17. If you are in the area, I highly recommend it. Where else will you hear poems about pornography?
Aside from the back deck of the Eagle, that is.
November 09, 2005
Respect My Authority
Quick question: does having been selected as one of the Top Ten Sources for Being Gay mean that I have veto power? 'Cause I really think someone needs to be kicked out of the club.
November 07, 2005
In a few hours, I am boarding a plane at National bound for the place from which my people came. Sadly, it is not Ireland, but New Jersey. I'll be there for a few days for work.
Work being the one thing that kept this weekend from being amazing. In fact, there have been a few issues that arose at the J-O-B this weekend that made life so far from fun it's not even worth getting into. At all.
All I can say is that I have some really amazing friends. I hope they know who they are. One of my chiasmatic catchphrases is "I mean half of what I say and say half of what I mean." Sometimes, though, that's not good enough.
Enough with the fear. I'm done with trepidation. If I love you, you should know it. How can I make that happen?
November 02, 2005
The concierge for my office building is an older, southern blonde. On my way back from lunch, while waiting for the elevator, I caught the tailend of her conversation with another woman.
"...I have no desire whatsoever to see them. I think what he did to Diana was just horrible. [other woman nods in agreement] But I'll tell you what, they both deserve each other."
It took me a second to realize what she was talking about.
November 01, 2005
And You Were Worried about Asian Bird Flu
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Tuesday, November 1, 2005
Contact: HHS Press Office
Surgeon General Releases National Health Advisory On Lady Lumps
U.S. Surgeon General Richard H. Carmona warned the American public about the risks of a condition known as "Lady Lumps" by issuing a national health advisory today. The advisory is meant to urge Americans to protect themselves by avoiding the music of the Black Eyed Peas at all costs.
"Unlike other recent earworms such as 'Hollaback Girl' or 'Since U Been Gone,' there is little that can be done to treat this new strain," Dr. Carmona said. "This is even worse than the 'Tubthumping' pandemic of 1997."
Symptoms of Lady Lumps, also known as trunkfullajunktivitis, include muscle spasms (frequently confined to the gluteus maximus), sweating, nausea, incoherent babbling, and--in extreme cases--incontinence.
If you believe you may be infected with the Lady Lumps virus, please quarantine yourself. While there is no cure, researchers have found that a treatment of immersive emo-therapy can keep symptoms at bay indefinitely.