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| June 28, 2005
The First Rule of Magazine Club...
Today's express features a story on a great new trend sure to sweep the nation: Magazine Club. It's like a book club, but with more pictures. And perfume samples. The article (on page 29 of this PDF) gives me hope for the Deep Shallow Movement. The Deep Shallow Movement is a name I just came up with for paying serious attention to superfluous things. Looking at the Tomkat story from a Marxist-feminist perspective, for example. If I weren't so engrossed with pondering the possibility of Spederline twins, I would write the Deep Shallow Manifesto. Alas, the world will have to wait. Speaking of Tomkat and the Spederlines (and Brangelina!), I think I may have to leave Glenn. "Glennafer" just doesn't jump off the page. And, like Lindsay, I want to come first. If you're interested and your name would sound good with "Chris" before it, I'm now accepting applications. I wonder how the staff at Domku feels about Magazine Club. I imagine it's something along the lines of "Sure they tip well, but after they leave it takes forever to clean up all the subscription cards that fall out during their meetings." I'm proud of DC for having a Magazine Club. And there's nothing like reading "She's a Beverly Hills slut" to brighten up your morning commute. Now back to InTouch! June 27, 2005
Ivy League, Bush League
Sometimes I worry that I spend time actually thinking about which version of "Since U Been Gone" is more fun to listen to--Ted Leo's, Kelly Clarkson's, or the Kidz Bop one? But then again, if Ivy League thinkers can devote a whole article's worth of thought to the subject, maybe it's totally fine. *** New favorite word: Chimpnotized. As in, "Do you ever watch Bush in a press conference? He never answers the reporters' questions and never says anything of substance but they just let him go. He's got the media chimpnotized." Back when I worked with my friend Dan, I used to get rides home with him from time to time. It was always fun to go into his office because there were a lot of cool people there. Lisa, who came up with this term, was one of them. I miss seeing her, especially after Dan and Glenn told me about her love of using "chimp" in talking about our current President. Go Lisa! June 26, 2005
Euan or Out?
When I read that Tony Blair's son is going to be a Republican intern and came to the line "[t]he newspaper said Euan would be mentored by David Dreier," this old joke popped into my head: Why don't congressmen use bookmarks? They just bend over the pages. June 24, 2005
No Promises, No Demands
 As Schitzo and I picked up our tickets at the box office, a tween nearby commented to his friends on my shirt: It says 'Maryland is for Crabs.' Kinda like Virginia is for Lovers. Man, every state has a t-shirt now. I resist the urge to scream out, this shirt is older than you are, punk, because really I'm an adult. We went inside and met up with Dumbek and Kenneth. The room filled with kids and suddenly I'm an extra in Square Pegs. I resist the urge to go to the bar and order a Pepsi Free. The crowning moment was when Pat Benatar herself started dancing next to us. Striped black and white shirt, spikey brown hair, made up like a French whore. It was uncanny. For the remainder of the night I do not resist the urge to sporadically break out in the "Love is a Battlefield" shoulder-shake dance. All this talk of Benatar also brings to mind one of the best comments ever bestowed upon BBBS. Not surprisingly, it came from Joe--whose most recent post, in some form of cosmic synchronicity, is about Ms. B.: "years ago, at the Frat House in DC, i met a chick who claimed to have been 'Disgruntled Whore #2' in the Battlefield video. i bought her a drink." Wouldn't you? Correction: Ooops, it seems I've mixed up my Joes. The Joe who really said that was Joe.My.God. Duh. But both Joes are lovely people, and I'm sure either would buy 'Disgruntled Whore #2' a drink. June 23, 2005
Crack is Whack!
While I too am anxiously awaiting the premiere of Being Bobby Brown, I think we can get a preview of what it's like when drugged-up celebrities share too much information with the rest of the world on ArcherRadio's "Get To Know Jimbo!" Jimbo on Chrisafer: "She needs to work at Teen People." While I'd love to get paid to talk about gossip, boys, and shopping all day, I think there's another teen magazine I'd rather work at. June 21, 2005
Free Katie!! Feed Lindsay!!
Oh, Lindsay! First you're legally declared a nuisance. Then Benverhausen IMs me to share that you freak out at your premiere and need to be taken to the bathroom for 12 Well, at least you're not engaged to Tom Cruise.
Cruise Controlled
I think I need to have someone check my cynicism levels--I may have gone off the deep end. I'm sure you've all heard about Tom Cruise and the squirt heard 'round the world. Tommy boy is apparently suing the squirter now. (Did he say Tom was gay too? I must have missed that.) But here's my off-the-wall thought: Tom Cruise set the whole thing up hoping the sympathy would distract from the Tomkat debacle. He realized that the best way to get the public's doubts about his love for his faux-ancé was to replace the headlines with something that paints him as a celebrity martyr. (p.s., I just came up with faux-ancé. I'm very proud). I think someone switched my subscription to Star Magazine with Paranoia and didn't tell me. Speaking of magazines... upon discovering I have a subscription to Star this weekend, my brother asked, "Under your real name?" It's hard to believe we're related sometimes. June 17, 2005
I [heart] the Internet
 Glenn and I were talking about this last night over dinner. An interesting question to ask someone is "what do you collect?" Of course it assumes that everyone collects things, which I do assume--even if they don't realize it. Glenn, for instance, collects old coins--like Roman old. He says there's something fascinating to him about thinking about how long they've been around and how many hands they've passed through. Personally, that just makes me want to reach for the Purell, but I can see why anthro-boy loves it. I, on the other hand, collect Eugene McCarthy campaign memorabilia. And considering my obsession with both noble failure and narcissism, that makes a lot of sense. What do you collect and what does it say about you? June 15, 2005
What Was I Thinking?
Twelve years is a long time. For some reason this weekend, I decided to see what it would be like to sell things on eBay. I've been on it since 1998, but I've only bought six things in that time--mostly campaign memorabilia from a candidate with the same last name as me (Eugene, not the one behind the "-ism" thankyouverymuch). And I've never sold anything. Judging from the tepid response I've received so far, that might remain true. In rooting through boxes trying to find junk I no longer needed that I could dupe some poor schmo into buying, I came across a picture of me from a frat party. It's dated February 5, 1993. I'm dancing with a girl whose name I can't quite remember. She was one of my brother's girlfriends. Lots of the girlfriends loved me. I would dance with them when their boyfriends wouldn't. There are a few things that jump out at me when I look at that picture. What was I thinking? being the overriding theme. First, what was I thinking wearing pleated pants? And why was I so in love with braided belts? And what possessed me to think I didn't need any product in my hair? On a more important note, though, why didn't I like myself more then? Why did I think I was ugly? Why did I think I wasn't worthy of being loved? Why did I give valuable time to people who didn't care? Why was I so sad, so scared, and so insecure? That picture is me but not me. In the distance between there and here, I learned a lot about life and love and laughter. Mostly that they all work best when you're not afraid to share them. I wish that kid could have seen how great he was sooner. June 14, 2005
More on Borat
I mentioned this yesterday, but I guess a lot of people don't have any clue who Borat is. If you've ever watched HBO's Da Ali G Show, he's the Kazakhstani character Sacha Baron Cohen plays. Apparently he was interviewing people at Capital Pride. I guess they were looking for people who'd never seen the show because the kinds of interviewshe specializes in are the somewhat like The Daily Show in that they're totally bullshit. In fact, I'm always confused when I see a Rob Cordry or Samantha Bee interview with some mayor of a small town. Doesn't anyone watch? Don't they realize they're being lampooned? Sometimes you can tell the interviewee knows and is having fun with it, but the sheer number of people who treat the whole thing seriously shocks me. I suppose not everyone watches as much TV as me. That might be the biggest understatement yet. So, when Glenn saw Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat he got very excited. He wanted to get a few pictures. Borat's handlers weren't happy. They actually were kind of rude to Glenn. I guess they didn't want us to draw attention to him, and I can understand that. The one guy Glenn asked a quick question to was very dismissive and acted like he'd be revealing state secrets if he continued our conversation. Glenn, being the giant ball of sunshine that he is, smiled as he walked away and said, "Oh I understand." My feelings were more summed up in a statement like "Fuck that, for as much as we pay for HBO a month...." Well, let's just say it's good that Glenn is around to keep me from being a complete black hole of bitterness and sarcasm. June 13, 2005
DC Pride
This weekend was Capital Pride. Mostly I was proud of myself for learning how to sell things on eBay, but I did manage to step out for Blowoff Saturday night and the Pride Festival Sunday. Blowoff marked my first time meeting Dumbek. We could have met at the Live Blowoff a few weeks back, but he didn't want to introduce himself to me then for some crazy reason. It reminds me very much of all the times I would see John of the Beav out and was too shy to go up and just say "Hi, John, I'm Chris. I really like your blog." Fortunately one night Jimbo made the introductions. Flash forward a few months and John is a wonderful friend who's made my life infinitely more interesting. Shyness is nice, as they say, but it also can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to. It's good to keep that in mind. Blowoff also brought us New York City's own Joe.My.God. who snapped some wonderful pictures.  This one of Sean and me, in particular, makes me happy. I think this photo will be my scruff's swan song for now (it's too hotmid in DC), so I'm glad it's a good one. Speaking of photos, at the Pride Festival, I was on a photo safari. I was hunting popped collars. Glenn was on a safari too, he was hunting Borat of Da Ali G show. Borat's people weren't happy with Glenn. I have to say, as much as there are things about DC I hate, I'm also very proud of my hometown. There's a lot of evil in DC, but there are also a lot of people who've come here to make the world a better place--a place that is just and fair, a place where we are safe and where we can pursue our own happiness, a place where freedom isn't just a catch phrase. It's an awesomely powerful city when those things happen. Maybe it was that pride that made seeing Bob rock out in the shadow of the Capitol gave me just a little bit of a chill. June 07, 2005
La Katherine!
Scott reports that Ms. Katherine Harris is running for the United States Senate. I'll always hold a soft spot for her.  I've also always suspected democracy's kiss of death would be wearing the wrong shade of lipstick. June 06, 2005
Jinglin' Baby
Sometimes I wonder if other people who grew up in the DC-Baltimore area are like me in that every once in a while, for no apparent reason, you find yourself singing "Go GEBCO! Go GEBCO!" and feeling this compulsion to do the running man.  No? It's just me? June 02, 2005
Celebrity Math
This might have to become a regular feature here at bbbs...
In the Navy: Part Deux
According to today's popbitch: Ministry of Sound are re-making the Call on Me video for a re-release of the single later in the year. The twist is that it's going to feature men instead of women. It's filming in the South of France this month... though the auditions were last weekend in glamorous Birmingham. Hmm, didn't this already happen?  Not that I'm complaining... June 01, 2005
Good Morning, Good Morning
This morning, I was walking down my street to the bus stop when a Grumpy Old Man almost hit me on his bike coming up 15th. He seemed to want to blame his recklessness on my iPod. GOM: Take your damn headphones off! Me: (not even considering taking my headphones off because I really liked the song I was listening to) You shouldn't be riding on the sidewalk! GOM: (still biking through the intersection) But I had a goddamn green light! Me: Then ride on the street and not the fucking sidewalk!! Moral of the story, multiple choice: a.) Life has made me hard and now I've become the type of person who hurls obscenities at strangers. In front of churches. b.) Fannypack rules! c.) Jimbo's been rubbing off on me. Or bicyclists in my neighborhood. d.) No matter how good of a mood you are in, there is always someone who can reduce you to a belligerent asshole in less than two sentences. |
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