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| February 28, 2005
Betty Miller, Put That Pen Down and Go Make Me a Sandwich!
"Many times women who claim to be submissive are only outwardly going through the motions of submission while inwardly they are still resenting their position in life. A prayer of submission would be in order." I like BDSM as much as the next Catholic, but this goes a little far. It's a shame that these women aren't told to stop voting. Really, isn't that what Jesus wants?
Your Senate at Work
I meant to post something about this last week, but things got a little hectic. I feel it's important, though, to praise our lawmakers when they take time to address our most pressing issues. That's why I want to thank Sen. Chuck Schumer of New York for breaking the silence about the impending divorce of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. While most MSM outlets have buried this story, it is again the blogosphere--along with Star Magazine and Us Weekly--that has kept America's attention focused on what is surely the most important topic for its concern.  I'm saddened by the silence of our president, who stated in the State of the Union that a "strong America must also value the institution of marriage." If you don't value Brad and Jennifer's marriage, Mr. President, then what marriage can you value? My sources on the Hill say that suspected "Homewrecker" Angelina Jolie may be taken to Guantanamo Bay for questioning. While torture isn't something I normally condone, I believe making her watch Alexander on repeat is within the bounds of the Geneva Conventions. February 24, 2005
Does Anyone Else Think
...that Paris Hilton hacked her own Sidekick for publicity? ...that Kinja would be better if it didn't take so long for posts to show up? ...that the prettiest snow is the snow that gets you off work? ...that Adrian Brody kissing Halle Berry when he won the Oscar was actually rather slimy?
United in Hate
It's childish and stupid, but I love when funny, articulate people hate the same things I do. Take this poster from the datalounge on Ann Coulter: I would give my eye teeth - eat my hair - live a life of celibacy - just to watch that bitch go down in a scandal of flames. She is an embarrassment to thinking women everywhere. How DARE she RANT about 'feminists'. She'd be barefoot, knocked-up, and cleaning a toilet if it wasn't for Liberal women of the previous generation. If I bumped into her on the street - you'd see me on the evening news - pulling the hair out of her head and slamming her horse face into a fire hydrant while screeching DIE CUNT DIE!Like I said, it's childish and stupid, but it still made me snarf my coffee. Speaking of hate, I realize now that I haven't had a "black sheep of the day" since July. It's funny, it used to be the whole reason I would post. Does this mean I've run out of hate? February 23, 2005
Spammers Are Just Getting Weird
 I mean, sure I loved his portrayal of the pill-popping Dr. Phil Burns in Young Doctors in Love as much as the next guy, but who knew Taylor Negron was paying people? February 22, 2005
The Eighth Grade Dance That Could Never Happen
I've been quoted as saying that the alt-queer dance night Taint is the "best reason to take off the first Monday each month." Of course, more and more, the nights aren't on the first Sunday of the month, but on the Sunday of a three-day weekend for many of us. Like this past Sunday.  I stole this picture from John. As you can see, I'm happy to be there. I've been to every one since the first event in June. Some have been better than others. Last night, Glenn and I discussed my complaints about the crowd at the beginning of the night. I felt there were too many people there--and too many of the "wrong kind" of people. Glenn called me on that. He thought I was being exclusive in an anti-NoVa, "I hate those JR's bitches" kind of way. While I admit I can be that way, I wasn't. When Taint works best, it takes a certain kind of energy. A certain kind of adorkable enthusiasm for music and a love for dancing even if you can't. A goofy, knowing smile when a song you found on an mp3 blog comes on. In other words, when the ratio of Seth Cohens to Ryan Atwoods tips too far to the right, I have less fun. So while the crowd was a little overwhelming up until the Lesbians on Ecstasy took the stage, it thinned out dramatically after their performance. As I took a break from the sweaty, happy dancefloor, it occurred to me that one of the reasons I love the night so much is that it's the eighth grade dance that could never happen. Not just because I got to dance with a boy, but because I got to dance to music I liked with a boy. I wasn't stuck in the corner, watching the boys dance with girls to Debbie and/or Deborah Gibson. I was shaking my ass with the boys to New Order. And newer stuff like Le Tigre and Bloc Party that wouldn't have been played at my middle school either. I'm just glad that at 31, there's enough of that 13 year-old in me to finally feel at home on the dancefloor. February 18, 2005
Shooting from the Hipster
P.S.-inspired question of the day: What would happen if Chicks on Speed toured with Lesbians on Ecstasy? How long until we have a Grannies on Special K or Nuns on Acid? February 17, 2005
An Open Letter
To the Mayflower Hotel: While walking to lunch the other day, I noticed that, in addition to flags of the United States, District of Columbia, state of Maryland, and commonwealth of Virginia, you have the flag of the state of Texas flying over your 17th Street entrance. Perhaps you weren't aware, but your fine establishment is not actually in Texas. The people speaking in complete sentences should have tipped you off. In fact, Texas is more than 1,000 miles from Connecticut Avenue NW. I know, I too get confused by the women with big hair and fur coats. There seem to be a lot more of them now. You should know, however, that aside from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and some tracts in Loudon County, the region is relatively free of Texan occupation. Unless you've changed from a luxury hotel to one of those theme restaurants where patrons can throw peanut shells on the floor, I suggest you replace the Texan flag with something more appropriate. Perhaps, since you are owned by Mariott, something like this. Sincerely, A Non-Mouthbreather February 15, 2005
Notes from the Eavesdropper
Sure, it was supposed to be a nice romantic dinner. And it was. But there was also the annoying Log Cabin couple at the table inches away from my ear. I tried not to pay attention whenever they said "RNC." Really I did. But how could anyone expect me not to choke on my petite syrah at hearing this: Well when he gets to heaven and sees that there are lots of good conservative gay people, he'll understand the error of his judgments. My eyes are still tired from all the rolling. February 14, 2005
Whitney Said It Best
Today is supposed to be all about love. Of course it's mostly about the love of the almighty dollar by greeting card companies, chocolate manufacturers, perfume makers, lingerie boutiques, and pricey restaurants. There's a special kind of love that doesn't get talked about much today, though. I happen to think it's the most important kind of love: loving yourself. You should love yourself a lot. I love myself all the time. Sometimes three or four times a day. Seriously, though, loving yourself is an important part of loving other people. I want to stick around as long as I can to share my life with my friends, family, and that blonde kid who followed me home one night ten-plus years ago. So, with news of a new, fast-acting strain of HIV, I hope you all love yourself enough to be safe. February 11, 2005
My Best in Show Moment
Last night after work, John and I were going to meet for a beverage. While working out the logistics, we had this exchange... John: see you on the corner thenOf course, not only was I really confused by which corner *$ he meant, I was also referencing Parker Posey in Best in Show. So that got me thinking about her. I was hoping someone would have created one of those "Which Parker Posey Character Are You?" quizzes somewhere on the Internets. Alas, no one has yet. I'm not sure, but I think I'd either be Mary from Party Girl or Connie Bradshaw from Tales in the City. Though after a week like this, I'm starting to feel a little House of Yes crazy. Has anyone seen my pink Chanel suit? February 10, 2005
Three Completely Unrelated Items
Defamer posts about a Ted Casablanca blind item. Today's Popbitch asks, "Which no-longer-newly-wed blonde had a recent affair with a movie co-star? (According to her friends, the jackass taught her to enjoy rimming)."  February 08, 2005
Crossing Over
This whole Marcia Cross thing is really bizarre. The number of googlers for info on the subject is astounding (and they alone number in the quadruple digits daily). I'm reminded of two other times I've experienced similar marked increases in traffic surrounding a single event. One being the (highly doubtful) Frenchy Davis lesbian gang rumor that was on a local radio station. The other being the very recent Paige Davis Sex tape rumor. I wonder what this says about the way our society deals with women's sexuality. I also wonder what this says about me. Sometimes I feel like I'm complicit in something sinister by talking about these things. It's silly since I'm just one voice. And a relatively quiet one at that. I sometimes am part of a chorus, though. A chorus of people chattering about fluffy things. And so many of these fluffy things have to do with women and sex. No one talks about Wilmer or Rick Solomon or even Kevin Federline in the way they talk about Lindsay, Paris, and Britney. I don't want to bite my tongue. I'd prefer to keep it planted firmly in cheek. At the same time, though, I worry that I'm reinforcing norms I never really agreed with in the first place. Just something for me to think about. Apparently out loud. For the most accurate reporting of how this story unfolded and some interesting commentary, I highly recommend Sarah Warn's piece "The Outing of Marcia Cross" on AfterEllen.com.
Brits Say The Darndest Things
On my way home last night, Charlotte Hatherley's "Summer"* came on and I felt a longing for longer days. Today's tease of spring is just that. Soon it will be subzero and icy again. I really want summer. And this song makes me want it more. My favorite part of that song are the lines "Open the windows--serotonin and the vitamins C, D, and E. Oh let it all sink into your skin, close your eyes, and you can feel the release." Partly because I relate to that on a visceral level, the way the sun can coax you out of a funk. Also, though, I love the way she says "vitamins." It's quite endearing. "Vitamin" belongs to a certain class of words that make me melt when said by a British man. Here are just a few others: "schedule," "herbs," "yoghurt," "aluminium," "weekend," "ballet," "privacy," "brekkie," and "Hi, Chris, it's Jamie Bamber. Let's shag." _____________ *Props to him for first introducing me to this wonderful song. February 07, 2005
How Long Until Soledad Talks about Blatino Husbears?
This morning, on CNN's American Morning, among talk of Condi in the Middle East, bombings in Iraq, the Super Bowl, and Michael Jackson, my favorite morning show featured a story about a character and an actor on Desperate Housewives coming out. No, it wasn't on "90 Second Pop." It was a straight up news story read by Heidi Collins. That named Marcia Cross. CNN is now featuring stories pulled from the datalounge? I'm not sure if I should be mortified or tickled pink. Whether or not Marcia Cross is a lesbian, I'm rather troubled that it's apparently fine to out someone on a campy primetime soap, but not at all okay to out some homo hypocrite from California who voted to deny me the right to adopt a child as a gay resident of the District of Columbia. That's fucking wonderful. Addendum: I found the part of the transcript from this morning's show: HEIDI COLLINS, CNN NEWS ANCHOR, AMERICAN MORNING:You know, I'll stand for rumor and innuendo when it comes to things like weapons of mass destruction and links between al Qaida and Saddam, but not about Desperate Housewives! February 04, 2005
Licensed to Shill
First Paris Hilton trademarks "That's hot." Now apparently you have to register to be a Diva. For the low, low price of $29.95, you can make your Divahood "official" at The Diva Registry™. Act soon, though! After May 31, your Diva dues will jump to $49.95. So the next time someone gives you 'tude, you can look them square in the eye and ask, "But are you a registered Diva?" I wonder... is bitterjadedqueens.com available? February 03, 2005
Five Things I Should Be Embarrassed to Admit But Amn't
1. I'm really looking forward to tonight's episode of Made on MTV. And, yes, I've cried watching that show before. 2. Frequently, I walk two blocks over in the morning because the buses going down 16th Street tend to have cuter guys on them than those going down 14th Street. 3. I almost wrote Star Magazine a nasty letter for naming the wrong Jessica in this picture:  Anyone working for Bonnie Fuller who would confuse Biel and Alba should be fired on the spot. (If you're reading, I promise you this, Mr. Joe Dolce, I would never make such an amateur mistake if you hired me to write for your fine publication). In addition to not being embarrassed about my urge to write that letter, I'm not embarrassed that I have a subscription to said magazine. 4. Yesterday I caught myself "singing" along to J. Lo. 5. Despite my anti-graffiti posturing, I really kinda dig Borf. February 02, 2005
What the State of the Union Meant to Me
blah, blah, blah BUSH: Because marriage is a sacred institution and the foundation of society, it should not be redefined by activist judges. For the good of families, children, and society, I support a constitutional ammendment to protect the institution of marriage. blah, blah, blah Oh, and Dick, nice try to be supportive by not standing for that O. I'm sure your daughter's proud of that.
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia
After getting upwards of 400 hits a day for "paige davis sex tape" or various permutations thereof, I really appreciate a search like marcia cross lesbian rumors. Of course I love Marcia, and I'd love it if she were in the family. But I'm not one to gossip, so you won't hear it from me. And, no, I don't believe a thing on the datalounge, either. February 01, 2005
Your Gay Genes Will Not Protect You
Boi [sic] posts about a new miracle gay gene study. I say, "Who cares?" Trust me, I think I was born gay. Or at least I was gay by the time I was five and picked out a hot pink, "I <3 the Fonz" bike. Whether that means my homosexuality is genetic or was caused by the influence of hormones in the womb, I'm not sure. But I do feel there's a physical, not a psychological, reason for it. I also think that doesn't matter. Even if my being gay were a choice, it should still be my choice. It doesn't really hurt anyone (aside from maybe the girl I was dating when I met Glenn--who I hear still cries herself to sleep at night). I view sexual orientation very much like religion. It's something you may be raised to prefer, but at some point you have to chose whether or not it's right for you. You don't know that someone's a Mormon just by looking at them (unless they have Osmond teeth). Just like you don't know if someone's a homo. And neither of those identities matter when it comes to being his friend, hiring her for a job, or renting an apartment to them. Science is a wonderful thing, but let's not expect it to win the hearts and minds of those who have childish "icky" feelings about same-sex love. We have to rely on Carson Kressley for that. God help us all. |
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