August 31, 2004
Things I Believe
August 30, 2004
Death by Distraction
If you ever hear that I was in a horrible accident that could have been avoided if I were only paying attention to what I was doing, you can just assume that there is a hot guy involved.
Case in point: Today I walked into a door that someone was holding open for me because a hottie was walking out of another door.
It's the first day of classes. Lots of
Here's to the Bloggers Who Brunch
Ok, I'm a little late in posting this.
Saturday morning, we brunched. It was fun. Already having met SuperK, Joe, Ed, Ed, Corey, and John, I guess I may be the one who knew the most people there. But it was a pleasure to meet Scott, Billy, Ryan, Archerr, Michael, Dave, and Christian. I think the long table made it difficult for me to talk to a lot of the people on either end, but everyone seemed to have a good time.
When did I become Julie McCoy?
There are lots of pictures all over the place, but I haven't seen any photos of our special gift from two of the city's sexiest bloggers who were unable to attend as planned: a nicely wrapped 12 pack of Natural Light. It was missing a beer, of course. I guess you can't expect someone to wrap without a drink.
Quote of the day: "How much do hustlers cost in DC?"
August 27, 2004
I, Too, Am Full of Northern Charm and Southern Efficiency
This weekend, I'm going to two going away things. Two different couples I love are moving--one to Boston, the other to San Diego. Others are ditching this wicked little town soon as well. And even people I'm just getting to know are plotting their escape. DC is transient, but I think I've been spared the brunt of its turnstyle until now. Oh well, that just means more vacations are in order.
Where are you from?
Well really, Maryland, but I've lived inside the Beltway my entire life, so really sort of here.
Wow, no one's from here.
I sometimes get defensive when people pick on DC. Sure it's a town full of assholes, but there are some really awesome people here too. The key is sifting through the attitude. It's sort of like panning for gold. Except instead of sand you're trying to sort out the backstabbing, social-climbing, self-important, arrogant pricks.
If one of the first three questions someone asks you when meeting you at a party is "What do you do?," they will most likely not be one of the aforementioned really awesome people.
Hey, we're cool enough to have our own -ist site. That's gotta count for something.
August 26, 2004
A local radio station's morning show got a hold of some tape of Enqrique Iglesias. Apparently, he was lip-syncing in concert but was still singing into his mic. So while the audience heard the pre-recorded track, the guy at the soundboard heard (and taped) this.
CODE FUCHSIA UPDATE
The Department of Homoland Security is happy to announce that through the tireless efforts of its dedicated staff, a new venue for brunch has been found: Trio's Fox & Hounds.
Please be sure to bring enough duct tape.
The Date Movie of Summer Has Arrived
Last night, Superkyle and I saw We Don't Live Here Anymore. It's the kind of movie that you should see with someone you love. It's a cinematic expression of romance and wonder. It's the feel-good movie you've been waiting for your whole life.
Or exactly the opposite.
The movie is gut-wrenching, but in the way I adore.
I think Laura Dern gave a stellar performance. I felt so much for her character, with the difficult choices she had to make. But then I realized that she got to see a half-naked Mark Ruffalo reading in bed every night, so her life wasn't all bad.
August 25, 2004
GAY BRUNCH EMERGENCY: CODE FUCHSIA
Um, so yeah, I just called FoodBar to set reservations for our fancy little shindig this Saturday morning. Well, they're going to be closed for a "big staff meeting."
Who closes on a Saturday morning in the summer?
Apparently they do.
Yes, I know I probably could have called more than three days before to make sure that we had a place. That would require planning.
Anyone know of a good brunch on Saturday mornings in the neighborhood?
August 24, 2004
Scary, But True(ish)
My results from an interesting quiz that Jason pointed to:
You are a XSYT--Expressive Sentimental Physical Taker. This makes you a Firebrand.
Sounds downright bipolar, doesn't it? Well at least they got the last part right. Oh and the grudge thing. Beneath this sweet facade, lies the heart of a vengeance demon. The kind of person who laughs hysterically at these sorts of paybacks.
August 23, 2004
Now with Free Weekends
After many busy weekends, I suddenly found myself with no plans. It was glorious. My weekend was very much like a twinkie, filled with good stuff:
Glenn is still a great date 10 years later. Halo is the new hip place to be seen. It should be "over" by next Wednesday.
They all came over to see the "new place" (but really it was all about the kittens).
I had a wonderful dinner with BigLittleBrother. Then we watched 13 Going on 30 and fawned over Mark Ruffalo.
I sat up to shake my shoulders in solidarity with Pat as she stood up to the video's sleazy antagonist. (Yep, I'm gay).
Glenn and I went to the zoo hoping to see the golden lion tamarins. They weren't out. We did spot roving herds of the North American spoiled brat, though.
I want more weekends like that. Minus the tourists.
August 21, 2004
My eyes welled up when Charla gave her elimination speech.
My truth is that I'm a tacky American.
August 20, 2004
Quick Like Molasses
I've finally got most of the birthday pictures up. Too many people have been complaining that I haven't done this because they want to see their cute photos. My friends are vain bitches.
On the route from our lovely little condo to the heart of AdMo,there is a Unification "Church"1 on 16th Street. Recently, the "church" opened the Peace Cafe on its sidewalk patio. It's a charming little place where the
Glenn and I have to pass this "church" as we go and do the immoral things that we homosexuals2 do, like grab a sandwich at Subway or buy fresh-cut flowers. We've come up with a fun way to pass the time for this section of the walk; I call it "Moonie Question Time." It goes a little something like this:
Chris: So, if you're invited to a mass wedding, do you have to buy gifts for all of the couples or just the ones who've invited you?or
Chris: How much money do you think it would take for me to get my senator to let me crown myself the messiah in a Senate office building?As you can see, it's a fun game. Well, fun if you, like me, use sarcasm as a defense mechanism to avoid going crazy and yelling at bigots who want to kill you. Yeah, it's that kind of fun.
1. If the Moonie-run "newspaper" known as the Washington Times can use scare quotes for legal same-sex "marriages" in Massachusetts, I feel it's appropriate for me to use them when calling the Unification "Church" a "church."
2. Or as Sun Myung Moon likes to call us "dung-eating dogs."
August 19, 2004
Blah, Blah, Blade Blog
DC's gay newspaper started a blog. Let's hope it's as uplifting as their "bitch session" feature.
August 18, 2004
When I get a Google search for "entertainment weekly" lohan duff byrnes, I can only marvel at the fabulous lives that famous authors must lead.
So now we're supposed to believe that not only are there gay Israelis and gay governors, but also gay college professors?!??
Stop the insanity.
For some reason, whenever I think of the whole Garden State gay American's homosexual affair, I can't help but think of Usher and how he would handle it....
Yo, I'm in the state house I'mma call you right back
Nah, I just gotta veto this legislation I'mma call you back
I'm at the statehouse man what?
Man quit playin' with me man.
No, for real don't play like that
Are you--are you serious?
How you know?
Put that on everything.
I'mma call u back
I'mma call u back...
Everytime I was in Trenton I was with my boy Golan
Everytime you called I told you,
"Baby I'm workin." (No!)
I was out doin my dirt (Oh!)
Wasn't thinkin' 'bout you gettin' hurt
(I) was hand in hand in the Meadowlands with a man
Not givin' a damn who sees me
So gone (I know)
So wrong (Just listen)
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
my boy on the side
said he gonna sue my ass away...
McGreevey should have just held out for that new MTV reality show.
August 17, 2004
This Saturday night was a special going away party for M & J, two of my favorite people in DC. They're moving all the way to San Diego. Watch out, Cali!
We had to send the girls off in style, so we hosted a little beauty pageant-themed party for the couple, complete with corsages, embroidered sashes, and specially printed beach balls (this is what happens when your friends are in event planning, development, and PR). It was lots of fun--more polaroids, more cake, more drinks, more silliness.
In honor of M's legendary 15th Street parties, we decided to make special nametags for the party. Her past theme parties include the Boy Scout party where the nametags were merit badges, the Catholic School party where the nametags were saints (I seem to remember St. Whitney, patron of crackwhores, but I could be wrong). Oh, and I forget what the nametags were for the Price is Right party, but that's why I even own the controversial Bob Barker pimp shirt.
For the Miss Sandy Ego pageant, I had the pleasure of coming up with the following nametags:
When I saw Jay's analysis of swimmer Michael Phelps stats, I had to figure out my own. I'm about 6'1", with a 6'2" wingspan, and a 33 inch inseam. So Phelps has four to five inches more torso than I do. This leads me to wonder: Does he have extra vertebrae?
While we're on the subject of inches, Jerry points out a slight exaggeration in a movie poster. In doing so, he also pointed to this handy reference chart of Hollywood heights. For some reason, seeing that John Cusack is a little taller than me made me like him more.
August 16, 2004
A Week Behind, Not a Weak Behind
Sure, we got back from the beach last week, but I'm about a week behind.
Here are a few pictures from our little trip. Clockwise from the upper left we have: Some pasty boy on the beach; Jimbo's border between his area of the beach and ours as marked by flip-flops (Glenn called this his Maginot Line); Jimbo reading on the back porch of our guest house (notice the subtle hand gesture); Glenn and my room, suitable for predrinking, beach chair storage, and general slovenliness.
This weekend, Glenn and I went up to Baltimore for a family thing. We happened to pass the setting for an upcoming movie.
"Today Harford Road. Tomorrow the world."
August 13, 2004
"I'm Sylvia Stickles and I've got the itch!"
Is there any doubt where I'll be on September 24th?
Feel like yodelin' in the canyon? Thanks for the heads up, Lee.
August 12, 2004
Hidden DC vol. 1
I'm starting a new feature here called Hidden DC. Sure, you all know about the Lincoln Memorial or the Washington Monument, but there are many gems in this city of monuments that fall by the wayside. As one of the few people in DC from the DC area, I feel it my duty to share these national treasures with you.
Doesn't America's Littlest Statesman deserve America's Littlest Park? Apparently someone thought so and thankfully brought us Sonny Bono Memorial Park, just south of Dupont Circle.
Consisting of a plaque, some small benches, and a few plants, the park's minimalist design speaks volumes about Bono's contributions to American society.
Though not well known by tourists, the park is popular with the Washington elite. I hear that Dick Cheney went there for solace when he sold his own lesbian daughter out for political gain. Sonny Bono park truly is a place for reflection.
Rumor has it that the park's lone tree is an actual sapling from the one that took the life of the House of Representative's token Scientologist.
No one's exactly sure who is responsible for this monument to the diminutive legend. Let's just say when the long goodbye that is Cher's Farewell Tour was in town last, a tour bus was spotted idling at 20th and New Hampshire for nearly twenty minutes.
August 11, 2004
"Say his name out loud among a gaggle of women or gay men, and watch as their minds turn filthy and their voices get deep and dumb with longing..."
Who doesn't love brunch? Who doesn't love gay people? Who doesn't love bloggers? Who isn't going to be in DC on August 28? If you answered "me" to any of those questions, you won't be interested in this:
And there will be a special guest star from the left coast (sort of like Heather Locklear on Melrose Place).
Thanks to G:LAB and GB:NY for inspiration.
August 10, 2004
Also, because I firmly believe that laughter is the best possible energy, I share this embarrassing photo.
August 09, 2004
Top Five Things to Love About the Beach
5. Finding that, in addition to little soaps and shampoos, your room comes with packets of condoms and lube.
4. Discovering a new place where the waiters are disgustingly gorgeous (and frequently shirtless).
3. The Bedrock Pimp look.
2. While miniature golfing with your friends, realizing that the three teenage girls behind you are also debating the Harry or Wills issue.
1. Realizing that tattoos are perfect signifiers for non-jailbait hotties. Unless they're henna.
August 05, 2004
An Open Letter
I know you're sort of busy with that whole code orange thing. Oh and that flood thing. Not to mention the time it must take to put the new prices on all of the boards. Hope you're enjoying that extra dime per ride from me, by the way!
Anyway, when you get a moment, could you do just one thing for me?
Could there be one turnstile lane reserved for people who actually know what they're doing? Sort of like the EZ Pass lanes? Because if I get behind one more family of tourists from one of those big square states in the middle who can't figure out what to do with their farecard, I might lose it.
Perhaps it could be a revenue-generating game? The first ten seconds are free but a fifteen cent surcharge is added to the fare for every second the person clogs the lane.
Maybe after thirty seconds, we could employ some sort of taser device?
Of course, if I could have coffee on the train without fear of being taken to Guantanamo Bay, perhaps I'd have more patience.
p.s. It's not all bad, there are times when I love the public in public transportation. Just not today.
August 04, 2004
You know what I hate? I hate when a service makes a change and doesn't tell you about it. Like when Friendster stopped sending me emails to let me know I had friend requests.
And congratulations to Kyle on being friendster number 69 for me. It's a crown he'll wear with honor, I'm sure.
Also, I'm not sure I like knowing that The Fountainhead is among the top 10 books in my friendster network. I'm sorry if it's one of your favorite reads, but I deplore it. Basically, this conversation between me and my father sums up my feelings on the "book."
Dad: I don't understand how that Ayn Rand book is so popular on audible.com
Me: The Fountainhead?
Dad: Yeah, it's always on the most downloaded list. Who still reads that shit?
Me: People who need a justification for their selfishness?
Dad: You're exactly right, son.
You Make the Call
With the Summer Olympics fast approaching, I think it's important to address a pressing question for USA Swimming:
Shirts or skins?
August 02, 2004
Best Weekend Ever
It takes a village to raise the roof. Thankfully, I'm a lucky enough guy that I have a ton of wonderful friends who celebrated my birthday with me in retro-basement style Friday night.
Paris and Nicole had to send their regrets, but fortunately for me John, Corey, Kia, Jimbo, Ed, Stebbins, John, Kyle, and Joe were able to stop by. Hell, even some people without websites were there.
If you're ever looking for party fun, might I suggest polaroids?
My hand-made shirt read "30 GOING ON 13" because I'm not embarrassed to admit I have the taste of a 13 year-old girl. Bring on the Lindsay Lohan movies. Let's watch the WB. Has anyone seen my Cosmo Girl?
(Also, FYI, Ms. Garner, I don't care if your movie is being released on DVD and you might be secretly be dating Ben Affleck according to US Weekly, I am America's next sweetheart, not you.)
Here you see my friend Dan with a glass of wine.
Here you see that glass of wine on my shirt. It was a hug-induced spill.
Since we've already determined that my inner child is a 13 year-old girl, some people started making menstruation jokes. Are you there God? It's me, Chrisafer. (Quick, someone cue up "Girl You'll Be a Woman Soon")
Fortunately I came prepared with a costume change. One never knows when a wardrobe malfunction might pop up.
There was plenty more fun antics that night and throughout the rest of the weekend. I'd tell you, but I'm too busy relishing the fact that I'm the luckiest boy in the world to have my friends, my family, and the best partner in crime I could ever ask for.