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| May 28, 2004
"You're falling apart now that you're in your 30s, you know." *
Yay! I'm off to the dentist for an emergency something evil. This is what I get for eating lunch with Jimbo and Glenn. I could always blame the General Tso's chicken, but it's more fun taking it out on friends and family. So now I get to go wait for them to squeeze me in and torture me with their evil metallic devices. Wish me luck! Also, in a little over a week, I'm getting all four wisdom teeth removed. Therefore, the black sheep of the foreseeable future is my teeth * My sympathetic friend's reaction. Addendum: This is why Glenn and I get along so well: Glenn: (answering Chris's call after the emergency dental appointment) Hey baby, how did it go? Chris: Oh my god, honey, it was so awful! Glenn: Aw, hon, what happened? Are you okay? Chris: They played Celine Dion the whole time. I was just waiting for them to keep drilling to drown out her voice. Glenn: Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. I'll pick you up right away and make the bad Quebecois noise go away.
We Get Queries
"nate richert" gay I sure hope so. hillary duff desktop wallpaper That's so yesterday. It's all about Linday Lohan now. decontamination chamber signage Hmm, I'm not sure. But I really want one for the new house too now. Shirtless Jake Gyllenhaal? I know, right? How hot is that man? jonathan rhys-meyers shirtless Jeez, you go to one little "Shirtless Men Drink Free" night and all of a sudden you're an interweb expert on celebrities sans chemises. But here. Isn't that famine thing over? why do white sheep eat more then black sheep? racism what does ich heisse superfantastich mean? It means there's no place I'd rather be on June 20 than seeing them. WONKETTE ANDERSON COOPER and anderson cooper freaky sex? Those just seem to go together. I defer to the lady from Northern Virginia. BRADFORD SHELLHAMMER naked Oh my. May 27, 2004
Likely Story
BREAKING NEWS: Andrew Sullivan catches stomach virus. Didn't someone else use this line this week? Is this why Britney's cancelling shows? Where are Ashton and Demi in all of this? Next time I see him walking his dog in the neighborhood, I'll be sure to look for the tell-tale red string bracelet. May 26, 2004
Intern-ment
The other day, as Glenn and I came home, we saw two new faces in our building going into the laundry room. After we got into our unit, I looked at him and asked, "Who are the white kids?" A few moments later, I was taking the trash out and noticed the girl teaching the boy how to do laundry. I came in and told G what I saw, then asked, "who the hell doesn't know how to do laundry at that age?" We both looked at each other and in unison said, "interns." Yes, it's that time of year when the Bradleys and Jennifers and Ashleys and Andrews descend upon our nation's capital for their summer internships. According to Jimbo, they clog our gyms. I tend to think of them as giant, overprivileged cicadas from across the country. That, coupled with all of this Washingtonienne talk, which many of you may be happily oblivious to, made me think of my favorite movie that I've never seen. One of these days, I'm going to see Washington Interns Gone Bad. Apparently it's out on DVD now. Update: My beloved Washington Post is encouraging this behavior.
What They Don't Want You to Know
Shhh, don't tell anyone, but his shoes aren't really Prada. They're actually Pravda and purchased from a nice Russian woman in West Hollywood. As I left his party Saturday night, I noticed his shirt was on inside out. It wasn't when we got there. This means that at some point during the party (say perhaps the thirty minutes when no one could find him) his shirt was off. The only question left is: manscaping or manhandling? He is opening for Franz Ferdinand on June 20 at the 9:30 Club. But really, who doesn't he open for? Not only did he get his driver's license, he's already signed on to drive the bus for the DeBarge Reunion Tour. As Famous Author Rob Byrnes notes, he is missing from photographs of GB:NY. Three little words explain why: witness protection program. You saw what happened to Adriana. 
He's been tapped to pen the next MKAO flick, an updating of Full House where Uncle Jesse is transitioning to Auntie Jessica and older sister DJ Tanner is actually a Canadian nudist bear. After his brush with fame as a contender in the D.C. Idol competition, he's now hoping to parlay success on basketball court into a record contract. What's up doc, can we rock? He doesn't need you to email him to say hi every now and then. Really, he doesn't. Now that he's figured out how to post pictures, it's only a matter of time before those early 90s "art" photos of his ex resurface. May 25, 2004
Let's Play Master and Servant
 Someone got another special piece of paper this weekend. Over the last few months, he's juggled a demanding boyfriend, working full-time, teaching two undergrad classes, buying and moving into a new condo, and finishing up his master's coursework (with a 4.0, of course). I'd say it's time he took a break. Lord knows I am. Consider this my belated National Post-a-recent-photo-of-your-boyfriend-on-your-site Day post.
Relationship Rule of Thumb
If you want to find a long-term partner with whom to share your life, you must never get into a relationship with someone whose name rhymes with yours. Ever. I learned this lesson at an early age when my parents, Larry & Geri, called it quits. Things that rhyme belong together in a poem or a song, but not in real life. Remember Jen & Ben? Ben & Gwyn(eth)? Andy & Mandy? Hannity & Sanity? See? May 24, 2004
Shout Outs
My friend Mike's new record label, the kora records, has just signed Portland-based The Out Crowd. Go check out the site and download some of the tunes (including one remixed by Courtney Taylor of The Dandy Warhols). In other entertainment news, a new lounge/dance night for queer boys and girls is coming to DC. Look, Muffy, a night for us. And if you're looking for other cool music to listen to at work today, might I suggest fellow English grad student and superstar DJ Christine Moritz's mix "Live at the Eighteenth Street Lounge" available at Headphonic. May 22, 2004
Are We Protecting and Paying the Alleged Rapist of a Iraqi Teenaged Boy?
Jeff has been doing a great job keeping me abreast of Iraqi blogs. It's very important to me that Americans stay informed about what is going on there, about what some are doing in our name, with our tax dollars. Last night, on the way home from work, I heard the most disturbing story on Marketplace. Listen to that first story. It sickens me to think that not only have we created a loophole in the laws that allows that man to go unpunished for his crimes but that my tax dollars are still paying him. These laws must be changed. People need to be held accountable. May 20, 2004
My Time As a Straight Woman
Ladies, I thought you were kidding. I wrongly chalked up your complaints as hysterical hyperbole. I'm so sorry. I've mentioned that I have a fakester (or two). This man in Los Angeles has hit on her SIX TIMES now. I'm starting to fear for her life. hi Mr. Eurotrash from Santa Barbara, you are the black sheep of the day. Your attroshus spelling and grammer makes ME FRETT. Couple that with your inability to identify a fake profile, a fake profile you've already hit on five times with no response, and I really worry that you should not be allowed to wander the Internet without adult supervision. And no, the "Kissing Booth" is most certainly not open.
The Lost Ladies of Hip Hop
This is probably highly illegal, but maybe not. Either way, I wanted to take a moment to salute the lost ladies of hip hop with a little radio.blog. Okay, so they're not all lost. MC Lyte was on that recent Beyonce/Missy track from that stupid movie with Cuba Gooding, Jr. But how many of you knew that? I love MC Lyte. I could have made a radio station just for her. "Ruffneck" or "Cold Rock a Party" are a little more well known, but it was "Lyte as a Rock" that I would rush home to watch on the Jukebox Network. JJ Fad's effects on pop culture are still felt to this day: YOU SEE THE S IS FOR SUPA, THE U IS FOR UNIQUE. Who doesn't like the cars, the cars that go boom? Imperial Teen does, and that's good enough for me. As for Yo Yo, anyone who can talk about "drinkin' Cisco" like it's a tender moment is my kinda girl. I can't think of any hairstyle that has such a bad-ass song as Afro Puffs. Enjoy these while you can, they won't be up forever. *** Yesterday, I couldn't take my eyes off of my lunch companion. No, not Jimbo. Not Kia. Not Keara. Not even the famed A.T. at McD's. Thanks to Kia's purchase of GQ and my not eating anything greazy like the rest of the table, I was all about Jake. Have you seen his ad for the ACLU? Smart, sexy, and with good politics. May 19, 2004
The Un-Naturalist
 Although I've never been to that region of the U.S. where Corins, Homers, and those ever-illusive whooping Panchescos roam the desert, I hear they have these things called tumbleweeds. According to the latest in interweb research, tumbleweeds are "[a]ny of various densely branched annual plants, such as amaranth and Russian thistle, that break off from the roots at the end of the growing season and are rolled about by the wind."1 A few weeks ago, my friend Brian called me as he walked home from work. Unbeknownst to me, Bri has been compiling his own taxonomy based on our more urban environments. Last night, as I was walking to the store, I happened upon an example of one of the terms he's created. Ladies and gentlemen, I present a byproduct of cheap hair extensions, the tumbleweave. May 18, 2004
Killing Them Softly with My Thoughts
You know when you think about someone you haven't really thought about in a while and then the next day they die? I think it's my new superpower. Because of a reference in his post about Clinton Kelly I spent a good deal of time thinking about Tony Randall's de-gayed Sidney (the media will get this wrong, but he wasn't openly gay in the series but was in the movie version). And look who goes and dies today? A few weeks ago, during National Poetry Month, which he hated and wanted replaced with more sex and gossip, I thought about answering with a post talking about Thom Gunn who was all sex and gossip. Then Gunn died like three days later. Who should I think about now? May 17, 2004
Patsy Darling
Grover is such a nice guy. One of these days, we're going to see him on the news getting arrested for something huge. They'll be hauling him away and he'll look into the cameras and blurt out, 'I'm just a patsy! I'm just a patsy!' It was 1993. I was watching JFK with some fraternity brothers. One of them, Spliff, said that as Gary Oldmen was gunned down by Brian Doyle-Murray. For weeks after that, in addition to my "official" nickname, Grover, I was also known as Oswald. Spliff was a little older than I was. He had transferred from a small school in Pennsylvania. He was New Jersey Italian through and through. He was smart, funny, good looking, and one of the quickest people I've ever known. I looked up to him. You know those movies like My Bodyguard where the really cool, popular kid befriends the shy, awkward character and through some symbiosis of coolness the awkward one comes out of his shell? It was kind of like that. Spliff and I were pledge brothers, and our pledge class was incredibly tight--so much so that it almost scared the older brothers. There was a core of us, about eight within the class, who were the young Turks of the house. We all moved into the house immediately after initiation and set about to change things, to make our house more fun, more outrageous, more popular. Like I said, Spliff was smart. Smarter than he ever let on. He knew my weaknesses. He was right. I was Oswald. He was the kind of guy who would frame me. I did some of the stupidest things in my life with him. One in particular returns to mind every summer when the small cigarette-sized scar on my knuckle stands out from the tanner skin surrounding it. I wonder if he looks at his own scar and thinks about me. Ten summers ago, when I met Glenn, I realized that I could come out and it wouldn't be the end of the world. It would be the beginning. Being gay and being in a fraternity happens now, or so I hear. It didn't then. It just didn't. We all talked about it. I knew when I came out, that I would disassociate from the house. What I had made my life for two years would not be even a small part of it. When I made that decision, it was like breaking up with 65 friends in one day. I'm sure a lot of people are thinking, "if they really were your friends, they wouldn't have cared if you were gay." That's true. And I told myself that. A lot. But it didn't stop me from feeling terribly alone. I've been thinking about my fraternity days a lot recently. It has to do with Abu Ghraib. It has to do with Michael's "The Terrible Smile of Lynndie England." I don't want to feel sympathy for her, for any of them. There is something about being that young and wanting to belong, though. Nothing I ever did back then even comes close to what happened in Abu Ghraib. But I think I can understand how it happens. After all, I was Oswald. I think that changed the moment I had the courage to turn my back on the whole thing and live my life instead of the life I thought everyone else wanted me to live. May 14, 2004
Me, Myself, and Irate
Today's black sheep of the day dishonors go to a special subset of abusers of the English language, those who are overzealous in using the reflexive pronoun myself. A certain charming man who happens to live with me teaches college students. Most of these students are communications majors. Since words are very important in communicating, one would think that means these students know little things like how to use words properly. One would be wrong. I looked over their final essays. In all of the papers I read, the word myself was misused repeatedly. For example Our group consisted of Rajiv, Dani, and myself.or When Heather, Veronica, and myself met for the first time...WRONG. Myself does not mean the same thing as me or I. That's why it's a different word. Basic rule of thumb: You can touch me in the morning, but only I can touch myself. Some people also use the reflexive pronoun for emphasis. I myself think that's a stupid use, but who am I to judge? Though, according to this quiz Jeff sent me, I may have some room to judge.  You are a GRAMMAR GOD! If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be. Congratulations and thank you! How grammatically sound are you? brought to you by Quizilla May 13, 2004
Is It Too Early to Think About the Weekend?
Things I may or may not be doing over the next few days...
May 12, 2004
Sick Is...
taking a sick day and still working from home until 3:30 in the morning on a project. Anyone know any technology reporters I could trade sexual favors for a little coverage? Anyone? Bueller? My sleep patterns are going to be all wonky now because I took cold medicine-induced naps today. That would be why I'm up working this late. In college, I used to do all my writing like this. Even when I had all the time in the world, I always felt I did my best work in the middle of the night at the computer lab. It was me and the LAN geeks playing DOOM. That's where I wrote brilliant papers like my parody of E.D. Hirsch entitled "Pop Cultural Literacy: What Every American Needs To Know To Get The Simpsons." It was a pageturner, I assure you. I'm sure academe still weeps over the loss. May 07, 2004
No One Tells the President What To Do
"The Buck Stops Here." It's a lesson George W. Bush needs to learn. It shouldn't be front page news when he apologizes for atrocities committed in our name. More disturbing photos come out. My faith in our government's ability to govern itself falters. Each new shock makes the old one seem less shocking. I must not allow myself to become numb to this. No American should. I'm just amazed that I received a "Breaking News" alert from CNN President Bush says he is sorry for the humiliation suffered by Iraqi prisoners at the hands of U.S. troops. This just in...you're still an asshole. Humility vs. Humiliation. We all know he's got the big stick (figuratively). I just wish he'd speak softly. Or more to the point, not speak at all save that tearfully whispered, "buh-bye" in January 2005. America, at its best, is a place where personal responsibility is valued and expected. - President George W. Bush's Inaugural Address (January 20, 2001) I don't really care if Bush knew or not. The point is he should have if he didn't and he should have done something long ago if he did. Either way, he is ultimately responsible. Mary-Kate and Ashley are dead wrong. We all tell the president what to do. Especially come November. May 06, 2004
Who Would You Be?
Last week, The Prince of Chides and I were talking about the Proust Questionnaire, which readers of Vanity Fair may know from the back page. I found a version online and asked him to play along, which he did. I realized I never did post my own answers. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Not wanting. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Lee Harvey Oswald Which living person do you most admire? My father What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? procrastination What is your greatest extravagance? shoes What is your favorite journey? any to see a friend On what occasion do you lie? when it causes less pain than being truthful Which living person do you most despise? George W. Bush What or who is the greatest love of your life? Glenn When and where were you happiest? this past fall, walking home from a Belle & Sebastian concert Which talent would you most like to have? self-confidence What is your current state of mind? hopeful What do you consider your greatest achievement? Graduating from a college I failed out of three times. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? the love child of David Sedaris and Courtney Love What is your most treasured possession? photos and notes from my life What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? feeling alone in a room full of people What is your favorite occupation? writer What is the quality you most like in a man? intelligent humor What is the quality you most like in a woman? strength Who are your favorite writers? Virginia Woolf and Elizabeth Bishop What is your motto? Your silence will not protect you. May 05, 2004
Let Your Mind Meander
As someone has noticed, this week I'm naming one post daily after an Olsen twins song. Because their big movie is opening this week. FYI, the following people will be featured in New York Minute:
I don't know what's sadder, the look on his face or the fact that he was laughing at one of Jay Leno's jokes. *** Oh my, I guess I haven't watched Oprah in a while. *** Today's black sheep of the day is the kid who was using a neti pot in the men's room at work yesterday. I'm all for doing what you feel is right when it comes to your own nasal health, but, dude, I don't want to watch that. May 04, 2004
How the West Was Fun
Yesterday morning, I sat at my desk and looked out the window at the gray day getting ready to unfold. As I read a passive aggressive nastygram from a higher up at work, I decided to stop work for a moment and change my point of view. I changed my desktop wallpaper from the Beastie Boys-inspired theme to a nice San Francisco cityscape. My desire to escape grows. It's not healthy. California isn't necessarily where I want to be. I'm just going through a time where I know I need to make a change, but I'm not sure which of the many things I need to change will make things right. Maybe I should just get something pierced. *** On a recommendation from silvergirl, today's black sheep of the day goes to Timothy Stratford whose reader rating of the Eighteenth Street Lounge on washingtonpost.com goes a little something like this.... This place sucks So, apparently, all you racist homophobes should avoid the place. Please.
April Referrers
I'm taking a page from Boi from Troy and listing the top ten referring weblogs to this here web site during the cruelest month. Thanks! May 03, 2004
Meet You At The Mall
 Pespico loves me more than you. I have a headache and it's spelled K-S-A. Fortunately, while searching for a copy of my resume, I came across a picture that always makes me happy. Last night, I saw Justin Timberlake in a gay bar with Jimbo. Who knew? I saw a lot of movies this weekend. Including Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Mean Girls, and Shattered Glass. All were very good. One thing I was wondering, though, was why they let Hayden Christensen remain so hot while playing Stephen Glass. They could have made him a little fuglier. Maybe they didn't have the make-up budget that, say, The Hours did. It's a shame, because Virginia Woolf wasn't nearly as ugly as they made Nicole Kidman, but Stephen Glass is kinda butt. Wow, re-reading that last paragraph made me worry that I need to stop watching movies like Mean Girls. Being gay is not a good enough reason for a 30 year-old man to have an opinion on the Hillary Duff-Lindsey Lohan feud. Is it? |
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